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Ame Humour


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Just having a little fun.........


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe

sheet,"which tells Engineers about problems with the aircraft. The

engineers correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and

then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.


Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qanta's pilots and the

solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.


By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an



(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S= The solution and action taken by engineers.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.


P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

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One I had once was:


There is a noise coming from behind the instrument panel sounds like " a 9/16 wrench bouncing off a pie plate". (For real) I asked if it was a craftsman combination 9/16 or snap-on offset 9/16 and was it a real pie plate or cheap aluminium one.


We had a little fun with that one...........

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  • 2 weeks later...

True story…… A pilot got off a B767 from HNL and told one of the guys “gee there’s a problem with the lateral control of the aircraft” really? “yeh, when I disengage the auto pilot the aircraft banks hard over, I can hold it with CWS (control wheel steering)”. When he investigated he found the aileron trim cranked all the way over to one side. The aircraft flew all the way with full aileron trim, just think if the AP had kicked off for a reason???? :shock:

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