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What The **** Am I Doing?

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Here's one for you guys...I sit at a friggin desk all day staring at a stupid screen. Fly a little (FW) on weekends when I can scrape some bucks together. Without even looking out my window I can tell if it's a 206, 407 or 350 over head...I look up wishing that was my office.




Keep at it guys, just be safe.



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I was thinking about this thread while running the dogs the other morning...


I remembered what it was like being in psychological shock, after having had a stroke. It lasted about a year and a half. It was kind of like living inside a little bliss bubble.


The stroke really affected my memory. That was almost 10 years ago, so obviously I've come a long way. But here's what I learned from that experience:


Fear only exists in memory. It can't exist in the present moment. Loosing the ability to hold on to thoughts in my short term memory meant that I wasn't afraid. Of anything, really. Which was a good thing, because everyone around me was scared sh*tless in witnessing what had happened with me. Ignorance is certainly a kind of bliss...


My point is, that fear can only exist in memory. The mind collects and holds on to events, stories, ideas... Things that aren't really happening right now. And burns them into an image so clear in your mind that it seems real. When i couldn't hold onto that image in my mind, when every time I tried to, and it seemed to slip away like sand and all I was left with was a blank white screen... I had nothing to fear.


Even while I was having the stroke, I was fully conscious, confused yes. But not afraid. Strapped to a spine board, totally powerless... frustrated, but not afraid.


Whenever I'm afraid, it's because I'm living inside a memory. Which actually doesn't exist.


Maybe that seems hokey. Just my two bits.

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